Sunday, January 22, 2012

Wiping the Mirror

Sunday, January 22, 2012
I've been re-reading Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way". Now that's a book I can read over and over again, yet still come away with wisdom that somehow seems new. I suppose one just "hears" what's most relevant to your life at the time....

In one section, Ms. Cameron writes about "wiping the mirror" - that time of change where you are letting go of old ways, and making way for the new. It's a time that things may be foggy and unclear.....what once fit, suddenly doesn't seem right anymore. It's a time to deeply listen to one's internal wisdom - one's soultruth. That's exactly where I'm at right now.

If you read my last blog post, you know I recently underwent major surgery. It was a decision I delayed making for over a year. I researched . . . I thought . . . I prayed . . . I procrastinated. Yes, I was more than a little scared. Sure, surgery is scary - especially those parts about pain, and recovery and gasp - being put to sleep.

But that wasn't really it.....well, it was and it wasn't. The scariest part was knowing I had SO much I wanted to do. Things I've dreamt of and planned - and for whatever reasons, haven't done. What if suddenly, I wasn't able to do that life?

Well, I did wake up. Now I have to make good on my bargain with the "Great Creator". . . the one I made before finally surrendering to anesthesia and faith in my brilliant doctor's skills.

Now fear is really gripping my heart. Now I have to do that life . . . I promised the Big Guy in the Sky. So I'm taking the next leap of faith and jumping in - feet first. I'm trembling. It's true.

In my last blog post, I expressed the desire to spend the year exploring my creative edge - daily painting, weekly artist dates and a major re-do of our home. I also mused about whether or not to take a blogging hiatus during this time. Now, I'm in a place that has me actually wanting to blog MORE, not less - just to document it all.

I can't say I've come to a decision, but for sure I've decided the following:

1. I will create - daily if at all possible. Painting will be my primary focus.
2. I will enjoy "artist dates" weekly, with at least 1 major date a month (ie. museum visits, art shows, etc.) This inspires me, educates me and generally, "fills the well".
3. I will re-do our home - mostly because I LOVE to do it - decor and fashion are true creative loves. AND our home could use a little TLC.

All of this must begin "softly" and increase over the next few weeks, as I'm still recovering from the surgery. My doc says I must go slowly - dang it. Even walking my "behavior-challenged" dog is risky right now, but I'm more than ready for a little risky business!

6 comments:

faerian said...

you are magnificent Ms T - honouring the gift you are making to the world by committing to your creative heart in this way

Lisa said...

I LOVE THIS! I feel the gentle and powerful change, like a wave swelling in the ocean. Absolutely beautiful.

Margie said...

Glad you are on tHe mend Tracie. It will be fun to see where life takes you on your new creative journey. Take it easy. Xx, Margie

Cat said...

those bargains are always to CRAZY!!!
CRAZY GOOD...but yes leave us trembling in the follow through
but it is a good plan sister
a very good plan...remember...the dragon awaits ; )

I have heard about, and seen that book many times...I think it may be time for me get my hands on a copy!

praying that recovery has been going well

Love and Light
from your SouLodge Sister

Charlotte Pettus said...

Walking "softly" with you into this next phase♥ Love you woman.

Maggie said...

Hi Tracie,

I'm here because of your FB post (painting group). I love your blog and will keep an eye out for your class in 21 Secrets :)

And, yes, I've been thinking a lot about the "in-between" lately, which I think is a lot like that fog. Sending healing blessings and courage to you!