Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Take The Ride . . . Again

Tuesday, May 20, 2014
In July of 2008, I launched this blog.
Out of curiosity, I just looked back to see what I'd written when I began.
I was SHOCKED to read my very first entry.

instinctively knew what I didn't yet know.

At the time of that first blog post, I'd never touched a brush to canvas.
It would be another 15 months before I'd complete my first painting.
Now, painting is pretty much all I wanna do!

Back then, I'd only written private journal entries.
Now I've penned hundreds of blog posts and co-authored a book!

I've re-published that first post for you here below.
In it, I can see what would lead to "my blooming life".

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Take The Ride

I stopped by the park between errands for some quiet - I have so much noise in my head! While sitting in my air conditioned car, I was struck by the sight of a large hawk scratching about on the ground before me. So very gorgeous and majestic!

I watched him for a full five minutes before a girl walked by, scaring him off. How often am I so busy that I miss moments like these? Even the girl strolling slowly by does not notice the large bird. Such tiny moments bring me clarity.

I hear an inner voice telling me to "soften my tone, brighten my outlook, act with more freedom and to take better care of myself." The last month has been so hard. Only two days ago, I told my husband that I felt the need to run away. Not from him or anyone or anything else . . . I couldn't really explain myself further at the time. I've come now to realize it's more a longing to run towards something. That something is my more fully blown self - my bigger, fuller, blossomed self. I do not have to go anywhere to do that!

In my lifetime, I have mostly disregarded that inner voice; minimized it, ignored it. I hear small bits and pieces . . . echoes . . . and only in moments, like this, in silence. I know my soul's direction will make me stronger, more powerful. Not a hard power but a still, quiet strength. A strength filled with inner certainty.

I hear more direction echoing through to me now. I'm guided to "become an artist of life. One who brilliantly lives it, loves it, observes it and records it here on this site - and in the art I can only so far see in my imagination. Make the effort," the small voice says, "articulate it all in writing and on canvas."

This feels so huge, so beyond my capability. Fear comes and paralyzes me. But I am told that "my job is simply to allow. I am not to stand in the way. Allow the flow. Unblock," it says. "Take the ride."

2 comments:

Margie said...

You've come a long way baby!

Dia said...

You've surely taken the ride, haven't you?!
Good job!