Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Take the Ride

Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I stopped by the park between errands for some quiet-I have so much noise in my head! While sitting in my air conditioned car, I was struck by the sight of a large hawk scratching about on the ground before me. So very gorgeous and majestic!

I watched him for a full five minutes before a girl walked by, scaring him off. How often am I so busy that I miss moments like these? Even the girl strolling slowly by does not notice the large bird. Such tiny moments bring me clarity.

I hear an inner voice telling me to "soften my tone, brighten my outlook, act with more freedom and to take better care of myself." The last month has been so hard. Only two days ago, I told my husband that I felt the need to run away. Not from him or anyone or anything else . . . I couldn't really explain myself further at the time. I've come now to realize it's more a longing to run towards something. That something is my more fully blown self-my bigger, fuller, blossomed self. I do not have to go anywhere to do that!

In my lifetime, I have mostly disregarded that inner voice; minimized it, ignored it. I hear small bits and pieces . . . echoes . . . and only in moments, like this, in silence. I know my soul's direction will make me stronger, more powerful. Not a hard power but a still, quiet strength. A strength filled with inner certainty.

I hear more direction echoing through to me now. I'm guided to "become an artist of life. One who brilliantly lives it, loves it, observes it and records it here on this site-and in the art I can only so far see in my imagination. Make the effort," the small voice says, "articulate it all in writing and on canvas."

This feels so huge, so beyond my capability. Fear comes and paralyzes me. But I am told that "my job is simply to allow. I am not to stand in the way. Allow the flow. Unblock," it says. "Take the ride."

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